10 funny rules for dating my daughter

Posted by / 27-Aug-2020 20:08

10 funny rules for dating my daughter

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Often, you have to swoosh them out with a broom, while they hiss at you the entire time. Must agree that light beer is fine, but decaf coffee is “merely a cup of lies.”[email protected]: @erskinetimes MORE FROM THE MIDDLE AGES: Fall makes all of us see routine things with fresh eyes, even coffee-flavored onions Our columnist has cargo shorts and a bullhorn: Let the revolution begin!

Still, as my lovely older daughter points out, “New York guys can be tamed and eventually make excellent pets.”Look, she likes this fellow — that’s the most important thing. Plus, he has a very cool mustache, which conveys both wisdom and an enlightened sense of personal style. So before I left, I asked Justin to sign a short legal document that I am in the process of getting notarized.

Through the magic of Social Media, it was by far the most read, passed around and commented on blog in the life of this little project.

The lovely and patient older daughter has been seeing this guy, who hasn’t been dad-certified yet. Told me he’s originally from the suburbs of New York, which set off all sorts of alarms. Always bright, always aggressive, yet they have the mannerisms of small animals that find themselves trapped in your garage. Must enjoy mocking stuff: skinny jeans, bespoke suits, Microsoft, political dynasties, Prius drivers, hipsters, aging hippies, political extremists, Portland, the NRA, Robin Thicke, the New Yorker, LA Weekly and (especially) that guy who used to play Doogie Howser and now somehow hosts all the major awards shows. Must see some truth to the provocative observation: “In the world of sports, Muhammad Ali changed everything.”Rule 10.

As a dad, I have some basic rules, which I have carved into two stone tablets that I have on display in my living room. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is ? Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls.

re stupid, or did you merely want to APPEAR stupid?? Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

s father, who I believe suspected me of wanting to place my hands on his daughter? He would open the door and immediately affect a good-naturedly murderous expression, holding out a handshake that, when gripped, felt like it could squeeze carbon into diamonds. Remembering how unfairly persecuted I felt when I would pick up my dates, I do my best to make my daughter? If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you God. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:- Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool.- Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight.- Places where there is darkness.- Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness.- Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat.- Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay.- Hockey games are okay.- Old folks homes are better. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating.

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:- Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool.- Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight.- Places where there is darkness.- Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness.- Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat.- Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay.- Hockey games are okay.- Old folks homes are better. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you? You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter.

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If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter? Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. As a dad, I have some basic rules, which I have carved into two stone tablets that I have on display in my living room. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is ? Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls.

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